I’m so bored of talking about the D.R. Congo’s Minister for Information and Press, Lambert Mende Omalanga who by the way happen to be a paternal uncle of mine.  The communicator as I refer to him is always in the news for all the wrong reasons.  That’s why I wish sometimes to just wake up one of this morning and be referred to as Minister Mende. I promise I would be a different Mr. Communicator.

If I were Mr. mende Omalanga, I would first of all recall the good days that I devoted my days to saving the Zairian people under President Mobutu Sese Seko as a supporter with maximum devotion to the supreme leader and as a fierce enemy when I fell in disgrace. That’s what should motivate me to straighten the reform agenda in my country currently called the DEMOCRATIC Republic of Congo.

I would then stretch myself in my official seat, ask for a coffee to my assistant, hold my phone and angrily dial that News Editor who happens to know very well my “Short” escapade in the then biggest rebel group, RCD – Rally of Congolese for Democracy -.  I would scold and remind him how powerful I am in this government. I would definitely not forget to threaten no to ever give him an interview if he continues to tell “lies” about my political past. I’d hang brutally and hold my forefront.

Ouf! What a day! I’d shriek in my office and lean back on my seat to revisit my “short” but fruitful stay in the RCD. I’d tell myself that I should vehemently reprimand anybody who tries to link me to those were responsible for the killing of hundreds of thousands of civilians during the three encounters between the Rwandan’s forces and their Ugandans counterpart.  

Tough I wore sometimes military uniforms to fight the ‘incompetent’ Joseph Kabila in Kinshasa whose ascension to the presidency I used to compare to a kingdom; I would devote my time and strength defending the government that I serve to the detriment of the people I vowed to empower on the day I got my share of beefsteak as cabinet minister.

After my office time elapses so quickly without me doing any ministerial duty apart of bickering with both foreign and local journalists about inexistent reform works by the government. I would call my assistant to alert the police that I would be heading home soon. They should therefore clear the road for me. I’d laugh at anyone who criticizes the Congolese Police and Army. How could day be corrupt and yet they execute my orders with such dedication?

Since charity begins at home, I would not be ashamed of parading my family relatives who actually occupy all the functions in my ministry regardless of the academic requirements set in the public service. I also recommend all my nieces and nephews to employers with no account of the field of works.

I would not to forget to give a piece of my mind to journalists, because they do not know how to do their work when I’m in the government. Especially those of Radio France international – RFI – who serve well my causes when I’m not in government and handle them pathetically when I’m a cabinet minister.
And if I were Lambert Mende Omalanga for real, I would sincerely not comment and try to intimidate Hapamedia for this pathetic peace of work they have published. I would only tend my resignation to Joseph Kabila apologies to journalists and take time before starting my fresh political resurrection.

HAPAMEDIA